Rhonda "Late" Lee

Late-lee, I have found myself challenged.  Challenged to wrap my head around this virus that is invisibly attacking our world.  If only we could spray some sort of luminol to reveal its present location. Every person I pass that coughs or sniffles I pray for.  I look at them and think, “Do they have it?” The truth is many of us will get it and some of us may never know we actually have it when we do. I’m not afraid of the virus.  It concerns me to see our community and world shutting down in the throes of fear. 

I  find myself watching the news endlessly. I’m not really sure what I hope to see. Night after night the numbers of those infected are rising. There are many reasons that could be happening: more people are being tested; the news sensationalizing the situation, or it could be that the virus is creeping into homes and neighborhoods near us.  I think it’s time I change the channel and maybe my address. 🙂

I would never share those thoughts to scare you, but as you login to your child’s educational resources due to their school closing, seek out a store with the resources you feel you need, and watch the stock market, I’m sure the brevity of this is starting to weigh on you like those wonderfully new weighted blankets.  The difference is those blankets are meant to provide comfort. You may feel anything but comfort at the moment.  

We know we need to practice good hygiene such as frequent hand washing, not touching our faces, and  staying at least 6 feet away from others through social distancing. But what do we do to help us deal with this “new normal” in a more positive manner? We have to outsmart this virus.  It seems to have had every intention of stealing our time away from us. This virus has stolen weddings, graduations, even funerals have been impacted.  We have to show this virus we are strong.  We have to take the time we have and turn it into a positive.   So what do we do?  I’ve read a number of articles about self-care during times like these.  Keep in mind, I’m not a medical expert, but I’ve summed up a simple list of those findings below:

Recognize the symptoms of stress such as:

• • Interruptions in your sleep, concentration, eating
  • Constantly feeling worried about your health and well-being as well as those you love
  • Distracted by the news (not being able to turn it off)

Dealing with stress

• • Self-care – Believe it or not, if you find yourself at home indefinitely, now is the time to focus on you and your family.  Get up and do some exercises. If it’s just you, then develop a workout plan that includes activity in the morning and in the evening.  Gives you something to look forward to each day. Keep the exercises fun! My daughter and I just cut a rug with some country dancing. 🙂  I caught my husband taking a picture of us and laughing. I can only conclude that our attempt at good health was pure entertainment for him. The goal of distracting ourselves from the news was obviously working.  He was laughing, so there’s the bright side. 🙂 I don’t typically do these types of exercises. I am in no way capable of identifying a beat or staying in step. I can run, but not always in a straight line. Just ask my sister.  Take the family outside and draw out Hopscotch or 4-Square and get active with the kiddos. This I can do. I used to love to play both of those games. We are planning a bike ride soon and we have a beautiful walkway here in our town to get out and enjoy some sunshine.  There’s plenty of things we can do that don’t put us in with the masses.   
  • If you find you can’t sleep, then go ahead and get out of bed.  It’s best not to fight it at the moment. One way that you may be able to combat this is to leave all electronic devices plugged up somewhere else instead of in your room.  Turn the television off instead of falling asleep with it. Also, if you are an active prayer warrior, then adjust your quiet time with God closer to bedtime.  
  • Routine is key.  If you have children who find themselves suddenly out of school, go ahead and wake them up at the same time everyday.  Have breakfast with them (even if it’s cereal), talk about their lessons/plan for the day and then get dressed. Following the morning ritual, spend time in “learning mode” prior to lunch.   Remember the goal of closing schools, businesses, etc is for people to stay home.  Fill your days with activities or the days will begin to blur into one another.   I’ll share more ideas for kiddos in my next post. I’ve already seen post where parents have already suspended their children and it’s only been one day! LOL! 

Self-care is so important.  It keeps your immune system in good working order.  Do things that make you happy. Read a good book. Ride your bike. Take a walk. Start a blog.  Whatever you choose, do things that get those happy endorphins moving. As for me, I will implement what I can and I will pray!  Ephesians 6:18 instructs us to…  pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. We can all pray for our country and the leaders who have found themselves in these unchartered waters.  We can pray for those who are taking care of those who are ill and for those who may become ill. We can pray for those who have sadly lost loved ones to this virus.  We can pray! One day we may look back to this time and think that the virus that so swiftly came in served as the glue that brought people together in a positive way. 

So late-lee, I’ve really enjoyed coming home to all of the Christmas lights. I love walking in to a home that is lit up and warm with life! I think back to the day I put all of the trees up and began decorating my home for the holiday season.  I was thinking I was being a bit overzealous and rushing time away, but what I didn’t realize at the time, was that I was actually bringing light in at the same moment time was changing bringing with it more darkness. I’m not a huge fan of the time change. When it starts getting dark at 5:30 in the evening, it makes me feel like I should be in bed.  On the flip side, you can’t beat the morning drive into work. My new route takes me over a rather large bridge. The sun is rearing its beautiful glow of pink and orange. It’s such a beautiful reminder that God has given me another day or at the very least another moment to try and make a difference. That is how I choose to start each day. I want to truly BELIEVE in some small way I can make a difference in this big ole world. I’ve tried to teach my children that it’s not what we get out of it, it’s about what we give to it! If we run around chasing things to bring fulfillment to our lives we will miss the opportunity to “fill” someone else’s.

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” –John 8:12 

In the same way Christmas lights can bring warmth and peace into our homes, we can do the same for others.  We can be a constant light that warms someone when they are feeling alone and cold. We can be a blinking light to bring them laughter and joy.  I don’t for one minute believe that our walk with Jesus will always be easy. It doesn’t mean we won’t lose loved ones or be immune to a cancer diagnosis, but what it does mean is we won’t be alone.  

Rather than looking forward to receiving the perfect gift this Christmas, rest in knowing you were perfectly made by God yes flaws and all. Be a gift for someone else. Be a light in a world that is so full of darkness right now. Spread some kindness this season. Pay for the person in line behind you in a drive through. Pre-pay for a cup of coffee for someone at Starbucks or somewhere. Or simply share a smile with someone as you pass by them in the hall.  It lets the person know they really do exist and we really do see them! Drop an anonymous note on the floor in hopes someone will pick it up and see the positive words you have written. Have date night in with your spouse! Do some arts and crafts with your children. Wear the Santa hat and give someone a chuckle. Give the gift of time! Time is wrapped by a perfectly colored sunrise bow! You never know when the sun may set on this thing called life, so as cliche’ as it sounds…make the moments count rather than count the moments. Keep your inner light glowing, but make sure you share it with others and make the world a brighter place! 

So late-lee, I have been reading a few posts directing blame to this group or that because of recent events in our local school system. I realize that when we are hurting, grieving from the depths of our core, anger often bubbles up. “Someone needs to take ownership of this and fix it now” may be what some are thinking.  Others may be responding in fear having thoughts such as  “What if it happens to my child?” “Teachers never do anything!” “The school doesn’t listen to my concerns.” I know people are hurting and maybe even angry. There may be negative and scary things running through minds right now, but to draw a line in the sand and then sit on one side or the other is extremely destructive.  

Let me be clear that my first job is a mom after that it is an educator. I walked in both shoes so know that what I share is coming from a place of love.  Our children need us (families and schools) to unite. Children, no matter how young or old they are, need us to help them develop coping skills for dealing with issues they may encounter.   Life will not always be easy. In fact it can be downright hard! 

When a storm is approaching, preparations are made, but that doesn’t mean there will not be a levy of devastation in the wake of it.  Like emergency officials preparing ahead of the storm, schools do take proactive measures and having been an educator for 31 years, I assure you the staff is grieving as well.  Rather than blaming educators, perhaps try a different approach. Just like parents (which like me, many of our educators are), the schools can’t stop every tragedy from happening. I wish that was one guarantee schools could make, but it would not be the truth.  As a former principal, I would often break down in tears under the pressure I put on myself to ensure the safest environment I could for the children and staff. It was a physical strain that I wore daily. For those of you who are unsure as to how to proceed, I urge you to make time to connect with the educators in your children’s lives.  Be open when they share information with you regarding their observations of your child(ren) at school. Share with them what you have learned about this or that and let’s become partners.

My heart, among many others, goes out to the families directly affected by the recent events, and while there are no words that can console or help them find peace, the one thing I know that we can do is come together and pray for them.  We also need to pray for the school staff members and students who must also reconcile in their minds the events that have taken place. I assure you that no one (including school staff) wants things like this to happen. Educators (and I use that term to define anyone working in a school), grieve like others. They arm themselves with an armor of compassion and empathy during times like this.  The hugs and words of encouragement they share with other students are acts that leave them emotionally drained with little left to support themselves. They not only think about those directly involved, but they also think about their own children. They, too, want to know why and how something could happen. To blame anyone for events such as this, doesn’t accomplish anything. I don’t mean that harshly. I assure you the enormous amount of compassion fatigue educators suffer in times like these is enough to break the strongest of spirits. I believe we should begin taking more constructive approaches during times like these.  As parents, we are our children’s first teachers. We can’t forget that we have resources our children’s teachers can’t access. We can pick up our children’s phones and review their messages. It is not a violation of their rights. Or, let me just say, I made it very clear to my children that I owned the phone they were using since I paid the bill…end of discussion. So, in my house, it was not a violation of their rights. I realize many may disagree with my parenting style in that regard, but I chose to make what my children were doing inside and outside of school my business and I also made it clear to them that they could talk to me about anything. I may not always agree with them, but I would hear them out and then we would discuss pros and cons as well as strategies for dealing with it.  I could have those tough conversations with them in our home. It would be unfair of me to expect the teachers in their lives to do that for me.   

The reality is this is not a problem that only one group can take on and cure. This is not just a concern in our small community and our local schools, this is a nationwide concern.  Suicide rates in 2017 alone were at an all time high. According to an article in the LA times in June 2019, an alarming statistic was shared, in that year alone, suicide claimed the lives of 5,016 males and 1,225 females between 15 and 24 in the United States, according to researchers who reported  in the Journal of the American Medical Assn. In that same article the following information was shared, “Miron and his colleagues suggest a litany of factors that have contributed to the increase in reported youth suicides, including high rates of depression and anxiety, unprecedented levels of social media use, and a greater willingness of families and officials to acknowledge suicide as a cause of death.” Another interesting note is that while there has been no definite root cause unearthed there’s evidence to suggest that this generation’s unique relationship to digital technology is a key factor.” Twenge was quoted as saying.  The article went on to share that our children no longer spend time doing activities such as getting adequate sleep, engage in face-to-face interaction with family and friends, because their world is now submerged in a digitally driven culture. 

Do you know that the age limit for most social media apps is 13? But, do you realize that many children are on these apps as young as age 7.  As soon as our children gain access to the global world through digital means, it becomes very hard to protect them. Have you heard of KIK or TIK TOK? In the Snapchat world, the illusion that nothing lasts forever can be misleading to young users.  I found a resource that provides support for parents to help their children interact more safely within their apps at https://www.saferinternet.org.uk/advice-centre/social-media-guides. Keep in mind, however, that what I’m referring to here is social media. The technological supports children receive at school serve a different purpose.  We need to arm ourselves with knowledge because our children are way ahead of us digitally. I am not an expert on this subject and will not claim to be, but if access to a digital world is being considered a contributing factor, then we, parents, can take control of that world. We need to help our children unplug.  That may end up being one of the best gifts we could ever give them! 

Before leaving, I  think it’s a good time to also share this bit of information from the article: “Asking kids if they feel down or suicidal will not cause them to be down or suicidal,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to ask.” Health officials urge people with suicidal thoughts to seek help by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255, or to use the Crisis Text Line by texting “Home” to 741741 for immediate assistance. 

Our children and adults need much support in the aftermath of events such as these, the following link contains some strategies that may be helpful.  https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/coping-after-suicide 

Note: Much of the statistical information for this post came from https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-suicide-rates-rising-teens-young-adults-20190618-story.html 

Please take a moment to visit http://www.copdfoundation.org to learn about ways to support the research surrounding COPD. Imagine yourself fighting to breathe. The fear grips you like a vice as you open your mouth to breathe, but can’t catch your breath. My mother died from complications related to COPD. The sad thing is she was too embarrassed to tell us she even had it. If only we had known, maybe we could have convinced her to get on the oxygen support.

COPD or Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease is really an umbrella term used to describe progressive lung diseases. While it is an incurable disease, you or your loved one can live with COPD by seeking treatment and managing the symptoms.

Take a deep breath right now…then imagine you couldn’t! Shortness of breath, wheezing, frequent coughing, and tightness in your chest are all symptoms of COPD. Among things you shouldn’t do is work around chemicals such as paint and cleaning products. My mom had spent several days in a townhome prepping it to sell. Little did she know the joy and excitement she had at the prospect of selling it, would dissipate as she exacerbated the symptoms which resulted in an attack that would end her precious life!

Let’s support the research in hopes a cure may be found! Meanwhile, wear a yellow ribbon for your hero and mine!

Well, it looks like the girls in our family are definitely moving towards making this a collaborative project. We hope you enjoy my oldest daughter’s debut piece about how she meets her struggles head on and finds peace in the comfort of the waves!

I’m sure many people reading this post have seen a wave in the ocean unraveling onto the shore, but have you ever studied it? It’s actually quite majestic. The water pulls in unison towards the horizon of what seems to be the endless ocean, it draws upwards to heaven, and just as it meets its peak it crashes into itself. I have carried myself to the beach many times just to stand in awe of it. The ocean waves have always brought me a sense of peace. I’ve had many moments in this life that have drawn me to the beach to lay all of my cares and worries at its shore as I cry out to God in prayer. I’m 26 years old and my life has been my kind of beautiful story. I’ve had moments in life where everything was moving in unison, much like the waves. My husband proposed to me in 2013 and we married in 2014. I got into my nursing school of choice and graduated with my BSN, and gratefully had a solid nursing job before I walked across that stage to receive my diploma. My life was beginning to peak when my husband and I finally started talking about expanding our little family beyond just us. We had a positive pregnancy test and cried together (happy tears of course). Our hearts were overjoyed as we shared the news with our family and began to picture our new life as 3 instead of 2; however, my life crashed down all around me, engulfing my soul in pure darkness after we miscarried in January 2017. (There is absolutely nothing more isolating than this– Post soon to come). Just like the waves in the ocean, I pulled myself together. The pieces of my heart that seemed to be shattered all around me drew themselves back together, centering itself where it belonged within me. My life once more peaked when we had our baby girl in November 2017. Of course bringing a baby into the world comes with its own ups and downs, but my life has taught me something very important. Even when life seems to be going perfectly, there are going to be crashes or moments where you feel like you’re being engulfed by the world around you- and that’s okay. How you view the peaks and crashes are up to you. I choose to view my life as an ocean wave- it may crash, but it recovers and tries again. All the while, looking beautiful as it continues.

-CC

A year ago, my husband and I bought a jet ski. Now, if you knew my husband, you would know he’s not cheap, but he’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel. So, I was grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet tater. Yep! I was pretty excited! My daughters had a field day with this purchase…they teased us by saying we were having a mid-life crisis. CRISIS? What? To me that has such a negative tone. I mean after all, a crisis is a time of intense difficulty or trouble. Could it be that my husband and I are in crisis? Our oldest is married and has her own family, while our youngest is in college and loving that life! Both are happy living their lives, so are we in crisis? No way! We are so proud of how our little family that started 29 years ago is evolving. We aren’t perfect and have many moments of dysfunction, but that just keeps our lives colorful!

Are all empty-nesters in crisis if they begin taking trips, eating out more, buying toys like jet skis? I am here to proclaim an emphatic no! We are actually in a season of arrival…tee hee! We’ve worked hard at our jobs, taking our children to this practice or that, or ______________ (fill in the blank with whatever keeps you or (kept you) very busy. Our family meals were eating McDonald’s in the car as we zoomed from soccer or cheerleading to a school function, and realizing that on Friday night we forgot we have to wake up at 5:00 a.m. which means grabbing powdered donuts from the corner store on Saturday to go to a another game or competition! I’d look in the mirror and the activities of the week I had just ended looked like 10 miles of bad road all over my face. YIKES! Does this sound familiar to any of you?

I don’t know how you guys handled that season or currently handle it, but I found myself living in a fog, double-fisted with coffee to get me through the days of absolute zero time of rest! Yep, our family had more things going on at one time than you could shake a stick at! But now, I sleep in on Saturday mornings (sleeping until 6:00 a.m. is sleeping in), snuggle with the hubby (well maybe not exactly that since he’s always up earlier), but I do get to snuggle with a good warm cup of coffee until I’m ready to get dressed for the day.

We live a life of spontaneity (when I plan it out… (LOL) We decide at last minute to head out on the river, to take a trip, to go to dinner, and it’s simply wonderful! So, crisis? Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit because I absolutely think not! We are simply living in a new season of our life!

So late-lee as I reflect on our life, I don’t regret any of the seasons our family has gone through! Seasons strengthen you, soften you, and teach you wonderful lessons! Our children grow up faster than green grass growing on a goose, so love them, spend time with them, and most importantly, teach them through your actions and words how to be a good person. Show others kindness so they see what it looks like in action! The best legacy we can leave in this world is goodness. It’s not money or material things that matter. It’s how we treat others. Often in times of crisis, we recognize the goodness and kindness of those around us. Crisis or not, #ichoosekindness… do you? Let’s let that hashtag saturate all social media sources! Maybe just maybe in this season of all of our lives we can inspire goodness!

I’ve always loved being on the water. It’s truly a time when I can disconnect. My love affair probably started because when we were younger, we spent a lot of time as kids fishing, skiing, camping on sandbars and river banks.  I have a lot of fond memories of those times. I was never a fan of storms, though. Too many times, we found ourselves trying to outrun the storm to the dock only to be swallowed up in the darkness and wind.  Obviously, as I sit here writing this, you realize we always survived even when the winds and lightning were fierce! (thankfully) For someone (a worrier) like me, rising out of the depths of those storms, left me feeling stronger! I always wanted to shake my fist up at the sky and say, “YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ME, but look at me now!” 

I think about the many crews at sea who could see the storm coming, so they would go about their duties of adjusting the sails. Sometimes it required the sails to be lowered completely in order to reduce any resistance for the wind.  Wind can be wicked. The gusts of wind reach out like a giant hand through the darkness to pick up and toss anything in its path. You don’t know you are in its grip until you are…I often wonder how quickly they could adjust when gales suddenly attacked their ships. It’s like they bubbled up out of the sea to grab them without warning.

If you think about it, life really is like a ship on water. People go through life living by adjusting their sails as needed to avoid being pulled apart.  The winds of change can be full of happiness and hope with the union of two people in love, the birth of a child, beginning a new job, starting a new year at school and let’s face it the list will continue on to infinity.  But, life is full of storms too. Divorces, affairs, death of loved ones, losing a job, fights with loved ones, losing a home to fire or literally to a storm such as a tornado or hurricane. And, yes, we could continue forever with this list. What we shouldn’t do is go around comparing life storms with one another like mine is worse than yours. Because let’s face it…it doesn’t matter how big your boat or ship is, to a canoe in the water, a summer storm can feel like a hurricane! 

So, “Late” Lee, my family has been confronted with some changing winds that is requiring us to adjust our sails. I truly believe when the questions kick in that’s where faith must begin, so we have to anchor ourselves in God. I love the verse, “ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm, and secure.” – Hebrews 6:19 I am not sure how you choose to weather your storms, but I choose to hit my knees and pray. (It doesn’t mean I don’t cry or ask why.)  I remind myself constantly that God knew this was going to happen before we did, so he knows the outcomes. He never makes mistakes, so we should just lean on him for guidance and understanding.  

All people weather storms. Some may choose to give up and live in fear of living life to its fullest and refuse to see the beauty of the storms, but others may choose to find joy in them! Garth Brooks had a song (back in the day) that I loved. One of the verses of the song went something like, I could have missed the pain, but then I would have missed the chance to dance with you. We can’t stop living life! There’s too many dances to be shared!

Storms may wash away homes and land, but in the aftermath, often the true human spirit is revealed.  I’ll never forget what it looked like at the school I was serving as principal at following one of the hurricanes. I drove up and cried. Beautiful oaks that I had grown up seeing had been badly injured. Tangled heaps of broken limbs (huge limbs) were all over the grounds.  School would be in session the next day, so how would our children run and play on the playground with the debris? We met with our staff (the ones who could make it back in to town) and you know what they did…they helped adjust the sails of our sweet school, rolled up their sleeves and we went to work.  So many times that morning, I wiped away salty tears because the kindness and beauty of what I was a witness to filled me with an overwhelming joy. Our county maintenance crew brought chainsaws and hands to help lift. The National Guard appeared a couple of hours later and we cheered as they walked across the playground in our direction. Parents and children joined in helping to ready this field for the children the next day.  

We greeted our children the next morning with hugs of welcome and comfort.  And we were filled with pride as they played on the playground where a storm tried to prevent the joy, but because we adjusted our sails, we emerged a stronger school family! 

When the storms threaten, anchor yourself in faith, adjust the sails, and look forward to the beauty that you will encounter. Storms have a way of renewing us and ironically, helping us find our way! 

That quote hung as a reminder on my office wall. Now it’s breathing life in to the stories I write.

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.