Here I Wait
“Whenever you are going through struggles and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always silent during the test.” Have you ever heard or read that quote before? It really has me thinking late-lee. As I sit here tonight and reflect on the last (almost) 7 months, I am grateful for the many things that God has blessed me with but I’d be lying to myself and to others, if I didn’t own the fact that sometimes I get angry with God. I feel like there are things that I have prayed so hard for that he keeps saying no to and I just don’t understand it. Much like a song I love, I just want to shake my fist at Him. Have you ever felt that way? I’m not proud of it, but when I began sharing stories, I wanted to share stories that were real and relatable.
When I was a principal, I used to hang scriptures in my bathroom. (Whoever said Jesus doesn’t walk the halls of school, is sadly mistaken.) There were days I would go into my “war room” to pray just to make it through the day. I even shared my place of refuge with some fellow teachers who I knew needed the peace of that room as much as I did occasionally. I would send them in and tell them to “read the walls”. One of my favorites (as I chuckle to myself now) is this one: James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” I laugh because I realize the irony here. I love this scripture because it’s about staying the course and in the end you become stronger in your faith and christian walk, but I want to skip the test.
So I ask God if I am being tested right now? Since I don’t have the patience to wait for a response, I’ll ponder on that thought a minute. I like to think I am in control. If I am riding with you in the car, I am going to tell you to look out for something, brake and accelerate for you all on my side of the car. I know it’s annoying but sometimes I can’t help myself. There have been times when my husband has literally pulled the car over so he could kindly in his sweetest voice of venom inform me that if I was going to drive from the passenger seat I need to slide on over and take the wheel. I smile sheepishly and sit on my hands to keep from talking.
During this quiet time, I believe the lesson God is trying to teach me is that only He is in control. It’s no big secret of course. I mean I know that, but my earthly self wants to tell Him what to do. Big mistake!
I find it interesting when I can feel God trying to capture my attention. He ensures I am in the position to hear His voice or read His message. For example, I missed church a couple of Sundays for personal reasons, but when I returned the message was about how God allows us to go through tough times so we may be a light and support for others who experience similar situations. I do want to be a light for others, but I don’t want to blind them with my brightness, so maybe I could go through a little less.
Recently, another prayer seemed to have landed somewhere else other than in God’s hands because the outcome was not what we had prayed for…again. This time I shouted at HIm because I’m mad. I’m sure he is looking down upon me just shaking his head. Since He’s seeing that my head is hard and I’m very stubborn, he nudged a little harder. And sure enough, he sent me another message.
I was reading a blog about unanswered prayers. I ran across a very important part on one that spoke specifically about the answer of “Wait!” During that time we are in a state of learning. There were many references to scripture in the bible about people who had to wait and sometimes they waited for a very long time. What I was reminded of is that God is never late or early…he is always right on time. So while we may grow tired and become frustrated, we need to remember that if we are truly trusting God and believe that He has a plan for us, then we need to sit back in full confidence that He will reveal to us our chosen path.
During these days of darkness in our world that is full of so much unrest, sickness, and so many other things, remember that we can’t control things. We can pretend to have it all together. We can keep our lists and check things off as completed, but as sure as we are things are done, we might receive one heck of a detour. During that journey, e can only pray and trust in His plan. Quite simply, we need to sit back and seriously let Jesus take the wheel! The days ahead are going to leave many shaking their heads and feeling frustrated, scared, and weary. During those times we need to lift one another up and be the lights that God wants us to be. It’s not the time to divide or draw lines in the sand. Remember, we rise by lifting others!