“Whenever you are going through struggles and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always silent during the test.” Have you ever heard or read that quote before?  It really has me thinking late-lee.  As I sit here tonight and reflect on the last (almost) 7 months, I am grateful for the many things that God has blessed me with but I’d be lying to myself and to others, if I didn’t own the fact that sometimes I get angry with God.  I feel like there are things that I have prayed so hard for that he keeps saying no to and I just don’t understand it. Much like a song I love, I just want to shake my fist at Him.  Have you ever felt that way?  I’m not proud of it, but when I began sharing stories, I wanted to share stories that were real and relatable. 

When I was a principal, I used to hang scriptures in my bathroom. (Whoever said Jesus doesn’t walk the halls of school, is sadly mistaken.) There were days I would go into my “war room” to pray just to make it through the day.  I even shared my place of refuge with some fellow teachers who I knew needed the peace of that room as much as I did occasionally. I would send them in and tell them to “read the walls”. One of my favorites (as I chuckle to myself now) is this one: James 1:2-4  “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” I laugh because I realize the irony here.  I love this scripture because it’s about staying the course and in the end you become stronger in your faith and christian walk, but I want to skip the test. 

So I ask God if I am being tested right now?  Since I don’t have the patience to wait for a response, I’ll ponder on that thought a minute.  I like to think I am in control. If I am riding with you in the car, I am going to tell you to look out for something, brake and accelerate for you all on my side of the car. I know it’s annoying but sometimes I can’t help myself. There have been times when my husband has literally pulled the car over so he could kindly in his sweetest voice of venom inform me that if I was going to drive from the passenger seat I need to slide on over and take the wheel. I smile sheepishly and sit on my hands to keep from talking. 

During this quiet time, I believe the lesson God is trying to teach me is that only He is in control.  It’s no big secret of course. I mean I know that, but my earthly self wants to tell Him what to do. Big mistake!

I find it interesting when I can feel God trying to capture my attention. He ensures I am in the position to hear His voice or read His message. For example, I missed church a couple of Sundays for personal reasons, but when I returned the message was about how God allows us to go through tough times so we may be a light and support for others who experience similar situations. I do want to be a light for others, but I don’t want to blind them with my brightness, so maybe I could go through a little less.  

Recently, another prayer seemed to have landed somewhere else other than in God’s hands because the outcome was not what we had prayed for…again.  This time I shouted at HIm because I’m mad.  I’m sure he is looking down upon me just shaking his head.  Since He’s seeing that my head is hard and I’m very stubborn, he nudged a little harder.  And sure enough, he sent me another message. 

I was reading a blog about unanswered prayers.  I ran across a very important part on one that spoke specifically about the answer of “Wait!” During that time we are in a state of learning.  There were many references to scripture in the bible about people who had to wait and sometimes they waited for a very long time.  What I was reminded of is that God is never late or early…he is always right on time. So while we may grow tired and become frustrated, we need to remember that if we are truly trusting God and believe that He has a plan for us, then we need to sit back in full confidence that He will reveal to us our chosen path.  

During these days of darkness in our world that is full of so much unrest, sickness, and so many other things, remember that we can’t control things. We can pretend to have it all together. We can keep our lists and check things off as completed, but as sure as we are things are done, we might receive one heck of a detour. During that journey, e can only pray and trust in His plan. Quite simply, we need to sit back and seriously let Jesus take the wheel!  The days ahead are going to leave many shaking their heads and feeling frustrated, scared, and weary.  During those times we need to lift one another up and be the lights that God wants us to be. It’s not the time to divide or draw lines in the sand.  Remember, we rise by lifting others!

People who know me, know I love lipstick! I believe it has the power to change your outlook on things! Sometimes you have to face the day with fierce attitude, while other days may only need a simple sweet shimmer!

We celebrate today with palms to remind us of Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem!

He was the epitome of grace and kindness! I may not be at church today, but I will remind myself the building isn’t the church…it’s the people! I will grab the shade I would have worn to that building and I will worship Him in the world he created. I will relish in the breath I take knowing it was his breath that gave me life!

As we enter this Holy Week, let’s paint our lips with kindness and join in prayer for our world! As our patience may be wearing thin, remember these are small sacrifices we are making! God sacrificed his son, Jesus, so we may have everlasting life!

So buy the stick in your favorite shade! And, let’s be reminded our lips were meant to share kind words, sweet smiles, and prayers! #ichoosekindness do you? ❤️

I don’t know what you may be feeling, but late-lee it feels like life is spinning out of control. The last week and a half feels like two long years. The days bleed together as the headlines remain the same.  To some this virus is the very construct of some government conspiracy, while others believe it is the end of time in biblical proportions.  Regardless of what you may believe, the fear or devastation you may be feeling is very real.  Who is next? Why are we doing this? There’s nothing happening, so what’s the use? Thoughts engulf your mind much like a tornado raging through a town ripping apart structures. In its wake lies a path of destruction riddled with debris. Sleep, which is foreign to an analytical thinker, becomes even more scarce. The darkness beneath the eyes reveals the secret concerns.  The light in the eyes has dimmed within the darkness of daily despair.

So I sit. I find refuge in the warmth of the fresh air. “Breathe in. Breathe out.” I slowly remind myself.  I feel the soothing mixture of warm sun and cool breeze as the two mix perfectly to create an intoxicating calmness.  Throughout the day, I have to recenter myself. The anxiety tries to steal my breath and clamps my chest like a vice. “Faith over Fear!” “Faith over Fear!” I repeat it over and over.  I mean how can I claim the blood of Jesus and worry about what is happening around me right now? Isn’t that a sin? If I feel like I can’t trust God to care for me in the same way I can care for myself or my family, then what does that say about my relationship with Him? So, I sit.  I breathe…in…out! I focus on finding my center. For me, my center isn’t about what is found in it. It’s the who that lies in it! 

These are stressful times. The novelty of having the children home from school is wearing off as working moms or dads try to strike a harmonious stride between balancing school work with the stressors of their current work situations. The inability to go to a restaurant and have a meal with family or friends is taking its toll. The comic reality of finding shelf after shelf in grocery stores empty creates yet another concern of what will you and  your family eat.  Mentally, you may find yourself with fragmented thoughts. The “unknown” in any situation seems to be the hardest part to comprehend. How much longer, is the question that has transitioned from the lips of impatient children on trips to those of adults struggling to define indefinitely. So what do we do? 

 The way I see it is we have a choice. We can travel down the path of negative thinking pointing out one barrier after another or rise above and see this as an opportunity we can seize with positivity.  Admittedly, I have battled late-lee with that very choice. When I feel myself going down the negative path, I reach out to those I love. I don’t do it for them to agree with me and feed my negativity with more of it. I do so because I need them to remind me things are still good! People are still good! Robert Ingersoll said, “We rise by lifting others.” Sometimes I need my loved ones to help me rise by giving me a swift kick in the butt…LOL!  When we come together as one, we accomplish things we never dreamed we could. So, I say to you… Find your people! Love your people! Lift them up with truth and compassion and find joy in watching them rise! 

I vividly recall going through some dark times with my daughters. I reminded them often of the quote that goes something like “…you can’t run from the storm, but you can learn to dance in the rain.”  There were times we literally jumped and danced in puddles. Those times bring a smile to my face even as I share that now. Maya Angelou said, “The best part of life is not surviving, but thriving with passion and compassion, and humor and style and generosity and kindness.”  During this time, challenge yourself to dance in the puddles and share random acts of kindness with others. The quickest way to feel better is to help someone else. We don’t want to merely survive life as we currently know it. We want to thrive and continue to grow into good people.  Like someone sweet told me today, “This too shall pass and we will all be back together like normal.”

Prayers for each of you to stay safe and healthy! 🙂

Late-lee, I have found myself challenged.  Challenged to wrap my head around this virus that is invisibly attacking our world.  If only we could spray some sort of luminol to reveal its present location. Every person I pass that coughs or sniffles I pray for.  I look at them and think, “Do they have it?” The truth is many of us will get it and some of us may never know we actually have it when we do. I’m not afraid of the virus.  It concerns me to see our community and world shutting down in the throes of fear. 

I  find myself watching the news endlessly. I’m not really sure what I hope to see. Night after night the numbers of those infected are rising. There are many reasons that could be happening: more people are being tested; the news sensationalizing the situation, or it could be that the virus is creeping into homes and neighborhoods near us.  I think it’s time I change the channel and maybe my address. 🙂

I would never share those thoughts to scare you, but as you login to your child’s educational resources due to their school closing, seek out a store with the resources you feel you need, and watch the stock market, I’m sure the brevity of this is starting to weigh on you like those wonderfully new weighted blankets.  The difference is those blankets are meant to provide comfort. You may feel anything but comfort at the moment.  

We know we need to practice good hygiene such as frequent hand washing, not touching our faces, and  staying at least 6 feet away from others through social distancing. But what do we do to help us deal with this “new normal” in a more positive manner? We have to outsmart this virus.  It seems to have had every intention of stealing our time away from us. This virus has stolen weddings, graduations, even funerals have been impacted.  We have to show this virus we are strong.  We have to take the time we have and turn it into a positive.   So what do we do?  I’ve read a number of articles about self-care during times like these.  Keep in mind, I’m not a medical expert, but I’ve summed up a simple list of those findings below:

Recognize the symptoms of stress such as:

• • Interruptions in your sleep, concentration, eating
  • Constantly feeling worried about your health and well-being as well as those you love
  • Distracted by the news (not being able to turn it off)

Dealing with stress

• • Self-care – Believe it or not, if you find yourself at home indefinitely, now is the time to focus on you and your family.  Get up and do some exercises. If it’s just you, then develop a workout plan that includes activity in the morning and in the evening.  Gives you something to look forward to each day. Keep the exercises fun! My daughter and I just cut a rug with some country dancing. 🙂  I caught my husband taking a picture of us and laughing. I can only conclude that our attempt at good health was pure entertainment for him. The goal of distracting ourselves from the news was obviously working.  He was laughing, so there’s the bright side. 🙂 I don’t typically do these types of exercises. I am in no way capable of identifying a beat or staying in step. I can run, but not always in a straight line. Just ask my sister.  Take the family outside and draw out Hopscotch or 4-Square and get active with the kiddos. This I can do. I used to love to play both of those games. We are planning a bike ride soon and we have a beautiful walkway here in our town to get out and enjoy some sunshine.  There’s plenty of things we can do that don’t put us in with the masses.   
  • If you find you can’t sleep, then go ahead and get out of bed.  It’s best not to fight it at the moment. One way that you may be able to combat this is to leave all electronic devices plugged up somewhere else instead of in your room.  Turn the television off instead of falling asleep with it. Also, if you are an active prayer warrior, then adjust your quiet time with God closer to bedtime.  
  • Routine is key.  If you have children who find themselves suddenly out of school, go ahead and wake them up at the same time everyday.  Have breakfast with them (even if it’s cereal), talk about their lessons/plan for the day and then get dressed. Following the morning ritual, spend time in “learning mode” prior to lunch.   Remember the goal of closing schools, businesses, etc is for people to stay home.  Fill your days with activities or the days will begin to blur into one another.   I’ll share more ideas for kiddos in my next post. I’ve already seen post where parents have already suspended their children and it’s only been one day! LOL! 

Self-care is so important.  It keeps your immune system in good working order.  Do things that make you happy. Read a good book. Ride your bike. Take a walk. Start a blog.  Whatever you choose, do things that get those happy endorphins moving. As for me, I will implement what I can and I will pray!  Ephesians 6:18 instructs us to…  pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. We can all pray for our country and the leaders who have found themselves in these unchartered waters.  We can pray for those who are taking care of those who are ill and for those who may become ill. We can pray for those who have sadly lost loved ones to this virus.  We can pray! One day we may look back to this time and think that the virus that so swiftly came in served as the glue that brought people together in a positive way. 

If you are confused by this post, then you might want to read Part 1 and Part 2, because we’ve been on quite a journey late-lee.  This will be the last post regarding “Early Detection.” 

As you may recall, my husband’s diagnosis of prostate cancer, left him (and his family) facing a surgery that felt like forever to happen.  It took 7 months (almost to the day) to happen. Despite living this with him for the last 7 months, the most real moment to me was the night before his surgery. He was sipping on his broth and I was eating some sympathy soup.  He looked over at me and said, “If something happens to me, you will find an envelope in my bag I carry to work. It has your name on it. Everything you will need to move on without me will be in that envelope.” Gulp. I had not taken my Benadryl, so my eyes welled up as I fought hard to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. See, he is not an emotional person. He’s not really romantic at all, but he’s practical and real. You never have to guess about his feelings. He gives me a hard time often as I try to dish it right back, but we love each other. And, we constantly had said “out loud” that he would be fine, but in that moment, I realized he had those thoughts and that made me sad. Then, in good old husband fashion he said, “If nothing happens, I’m tearing it up before you see it.” He grinned that big ole grin that I wanted to slap…tee hee! Eat your soup! 

With that surgery came the insertion of an indwelling catheter.  We arrived home with his blue bag in tow to get through the following days without him pulling it out on accident.  That’s a very unlikely event. I have to say that was his biggest fear during this whole ordeal. In his mind and in his words, he truly believed the cancer would be eradicated.  He was very uncertain about the other two-thirds of the Trifecta we were trying to achieve, but the catheter was the demon among the scenarios that played out in his mind. He couldn’t tame the demon. In every episode of his story that he played out in his mind, it would win. The removal would cause him GREAT pain!  

Our story of the removal began very early on Tuesday morning (day 5 post-op).  Much like the morning of the surgery, we were in our hotel room and had awakened very early.  Let’s face it…neither of us slept the night before. He was busy slaying the catheter, while I was praying hard for its removal.    

Dutifully we checked in on time and took our position in the waiting area.  We were surrounded by our new “Blue Bag” friends. All of them were thankfully doing well and had managed to keep their sense of humor. God bless these men! If you mention prostate cancer to some, you find yourself staring in the face of sorrow.  In the past it was surely a death sentence of manhood, and folks tend to go there in their thoughts. But today, the advances are amazing! While the preservation of nerves in every case is no guarantee, we can certainly pray it becomes the norm. Carrying the blue bag certainly makes you wonder how you will transition from a constant flow of urine to the stop and go flow prior to surgery.  So, the sense of humor these men had was certainly one to admire.  

One by one they went in to have the cystogram.  This test would determine if the re-connection of urethra and bladder had healed enough to remove the catheter. The walk from the hospital to the surgeon’s office was very short, but in that moment, it was like walking down the green mile.  Not much conversation was happening, but the thoughts in our minds were deafening. Again, I was forcing the negative out, by trying to fill it with pom poms of positivity. 

We entered the waiting room with nervousness. We met three different wonderful clinicians while we waited to meet with the surgeon.  When we met with the nurse practitioner, he was educating us on the next part of this process – the medications, therapies, etc that were necessary for complete healing!  All of the things we would be doing post-catheter removal. So, wanting to confirm if we were actually getting the catheter out or not, I interrupted with that question. He was happy to report it was and would be coming out in the next few minutes!  “Yes! Prayers answered,” was what I was thinking. But, my husband was thinking that the worst episode of taming the demon was fixing to come true. While one of them was reviewing the pathology reports, we noticed that my husband was not looking so good. The nurse practitioner was a bit confused because he was sharing all good news.  My husband’s Gleason score was 7. Originally we were told it was a 6.  According to the NP, we are lucky as they really get concerned when that number is up to 9 or higher.  His cancer was completely confined to the prostate and all surgical margins were clear, so no lymph nodes had been removed as there wasn’t a need for further testing.  It was gone! He didn’t need chemotherapy nor did he need radiation. Yet, there he sat breaking out in a cold sweat looking white as a sheet. I knew immediately what was happening. It had nothing at all to do with the report.  It had everything to do with what was coming next. He was going down! He wanted to be knocked out to have it removed or that’s what he told anyone who might have access to that type of drug, but that wasn’t going to be an option, so his body would do that for him…NOT! These wonderful people skilled in vasovagal effects, quickly jumped into action.  They would ensure that my man met this demon head on…wide awake! Bless him! 

Fast forward a few minutes the nurse came in to remove it.  He showed great compassion to what had happened to my husband and assured him that men didn’t describe it as pain. They have said it feels weird.  I watched all of this thinking what should I do? If he were my child on that table, I would probably be rubbing his head or even having to hold his hands to help keep him still. But this, I wasn’t sure.  So, I sat there being his cheerleader. Talking about everything I could think of to distract him. My motto all morning had been, “Move that thing!” So, I chanted that a few times trying to make him laugh! Secretly, I was praying, please don’t hit this nurse because he’s kind. He’s removing the demon. The announcement of the removal was made and in all of 2 seconds it was out! My husband described it as taking place over about a minute. He said it felt like the tip of it was near his throat and was slowly being pulled out or rather dragged out like the nurse had hoisted the external end over his shoulder and leaned into the weight of the serpent (much larger than the envisioned snake) and took several steps to pull it out! He asked me how much was actually in there. This felt like a trick question. Like when we ask our husbands if these jeans make our butt look big…Hmm…let me see…I didn’t use a ruler to measure it and trying to keep myself upright and not pass out, I wasn’t looking, so I did what every good wife or supporter would do, I told him what I knew he needed to hear in that moment.  “It was long, honey! I couldn’t believe how much of it was actually in there. No wonder you were so uncomfortable!”  Yep, he felt justified by my description. Let’s give him that moment. Really and truly guys, the part of the catheter that is inside is about 6 – 7 inches. That’s pretty long, but it doesn’t go all the way up to your throat, so relax! 

It was out! The demon had been released! My husband walked around the room like a proud rooster! It was over. He was a new man! He didn’t even mind having to wear the Depends he had to wear in case he had leakage that is a normal with this type of surgery.  I had told him over and over through this that he needed to just chill! My motto for recovery is, “First chill, then heal.”  It is next to impossible for a person to truly start their real healing process if they are uptight and anxious. He was anxious about this one thing. He had faith in the entire process, but because one or two men had told him how horrible the catheter removal was, he wouldn’t believe anyone who hadn’t had one removed.  But, it was out! And, he said it really wasn’t that bad…LOL! 

The blue bag took it’s new position between us as we filled it with hospital records, notes, prescriptions, etc.  If the blue bag could speak, I’m sure he would tell us how proud he was to be there for us throughout this leg of the journey.  It was as if he (the bag) was the one carrying us through this journey. So rather than kicking the blue bag to the curb, we still have our friend.  He’s in the pantry probably sharing stories with the other bags about his noble assistance in the journey of my husband’s healing. 

By the way, due to the surgeon’s extremely skilled hands and the advances in technology, he has now achieved ⅔ of the Trifecta. We won’t know if he has achieved the full Trifecta for another 3 weeks, but it’ll be fun to find out and that’ll be a story we keep to ourselves. wink wink 🙂 

So late-lee, I’ve been emptying a catheter bag. It’s been fun! NOT! I am tired. I want a shower. I just want to shave my legs!  But, he needs me. I need a raise! Being a nurse doesn’t pay much. Being a nurse at home to someone you love doesn’t pay anything, but the toll it can take is immeasurable in funds.  But, hey, if you want to keep an indwelling catheter clean? I’m your girl! LOL! I will be sharing some real thoughts in this post, but please don’t judge me. Just because I may think or feel some way that I’m going to share with you doesn’t mean I’m not grateful! I’m very thankful!  I had said from the get go that I wanted this blog to provide support for people. I’ll do my best to outline what to expect during the first couple of days should you find yourself in this situation. I’ll go ahead and release full disclosure. I had zero knowledge about what we would go through during an experience like this, so what I share with you is what I am learning and experiencing now in this moment. 

Here’s the continuation of the story of my husband’s prostate surgery.  Before I get too far, let me share that the doctor does feel like it was a success.  He does feel like all of the cancer was eradicated! Yes, 1st of a 1/3 of the trifecta accomplished. We’ll know the path report when we see him Tuesday. This is definitely an answered prayer, but we still have a hill to climb before we can raise our flag of victory. The discharge process at the hospital we were at was amazing.  This may seem like a very boring part of the whole process, but trust me educating the patient and family is crucial to the overall healing and outcomes. For our viewing pleasure we had to watch 4 videos that detailed how to proceed once we were out of the reach of these wonderful nurses. I was a little disappointed. I had already eaten my favorite popcorn my friend sent for me to enjoy. We had to attend a class that pretty much reviewed the same information we learned from the videos, and we received paperwork that also provided the same information. As an educator, this process connected to me. Good for them for trying to reach out to all learning modalities.  When we respond to the HCAHPS survey, they’ll definitely get a high rating for educating the patient. We were a sightly crew heading into the classroom. These sweet men had all experienced the same type of surgery. They walked slowly with their all too familiar blue bag in tow into the classroom. My husband who is always a jokester, said, “Is this where they bring all the old and worn out horses?” Another sweet man responded with “Please don’t make me laugh!”  That same man chided the nurse who was about to educate these men on how to care for their penises now that they were entrapped in this catheter (yes, I said the word and bless her for being that educator) . He informed her that if they were there to learn about joint replacements (due to the posters on the wall) they were definitely in the wrong place. Of course we all laughed (the men as best they could) and honestly I admired their sense of humor during this time! Class was dismissed and then the discharging began. This physician doesn’t allow his men to roll out in a blaze of glory! He expects them to charge out at a snail’s pace on their own two legs down the three flights. Mine being a man of great vigor made the trek longer by walking with me out to the car.  Good for him!

I remember the feeling I had pulling out of the safety of the hospital as the same one I had when I left the hospital with both of my daughters. Each of them had their own stay in the NICU after they were born. I was TERRIFIED to bring them home. Suddenly their whole existence was dependent upon me.  I don’t think I slept at all their first year. Is that what I have to look forward to again? No sleep? People who know me already know that sleep is not my friend. How could it be there would be less of it? Keep this in perspective, girl. It’s temporary. He’s a grown man. It’s his prostate not his lungs (as was the case with both our daughters).  At this point, we’ve been discharged for nearly 26 hours. The drive home should have taken only about 3 hours (we are one of the lucky ones living closer to the hospital), but we had to stop and walk. I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him outside at a welcome station walking…his bag. He looked kind of pitiful to me.  I will not feel sorry for him. He had a successful surgery! He is BLESSED! So, grab your bag and let’s stroll…er roll, Mister! 

I’m a routines girl. I thrive on schedules.  I like to be busy. I like to read things. I like picking out pretty things to wear for my husband. I do not like having to dress my hubby because we are having to feed the catheter bag through the leg of his pants. He said to me, “It’s like having a baby again, isn’t it?” I just smiled sweetly, but what I was really thinking was, “NO! No it’s not! You need to say thank you!” But, he’s in pain and he’s tired, so I will forgive him.  Can I please just shave my legs? Nope, that’s not an option at the moment because he needs his socks on.   

My daughter, our son-in-law, and our sweet grandbaby came by last night.  I wanted my daughter, a nurse, to check out my nursing skills! 🙂 She inquired about the leg bag. We told her we got one, but if we don’t use it, then we don’t have to rinse either bag with a vinegar solution.  So, we opted to keep the larger one and let it continue to ride in his little blue bag when he takes his laps around the house. I’m ready to kick that bag out of this house like a football! I’m sure he feels the same. It’s his man purse. I asked him what he thought about it and he’s so stinking practical, he said, “ I don’t much like it, but can’t do anything about it right now.”  Just know that our men have options. They can sport a bag that is fastened to their leg or use the one that you feed through their pants or shorts. Either is great, but you guys have to decide what you want to deal with.  

Breathing exercises on the incentive spirometer are a must! Incentive, now there’s a tricky word!  So, he has to breathe in deeply on this contraption once every 5 minutes. You better believe this task resides on my list!  It helps you to expand your lungs, but it hurts because of all of the abdominal stitches. So, the incentive is you may not develop pneumonia, but there’s the incisions that feel like they are going to bust open.  I’m after him all of the time. I do not want pneumonia on my watch. Our conversations have gone a little like this, “Have you done your breathing exercises lately?” “I’ve been asleep.” Really? You haven’t napped yet which is what I want to scream, but I put on my good cheerleading voice (I’ve never been one of those) and encourage him along as he dutifully takes the apparatus and breathes in deeply trying to get the little blue thing all the way up to the top.   Really, I want to say, “Come on, quit being a baby and just breathe in the darn thing!” But, I just keep smiling.  

Small soft meals throughout the day are a must! He should only eat a third of what he normally does. Um, have you seen what he normally eats? Maybe I should clarify. He is the type of person who eats only two meals per day most days. He likes food.  I know that I can bring a smile onto his face and light up those blue eyes with a good meal. He loves his red meat! I know that’s probably not the best choice, but he loves that! But, not today. Not until he has a bowel movement. I am certain we will cheer and celebrate when he finally has one.  The soft food diet at this house has included eggs with cheese, grits with cheese, and mac and cheese…um are you seeing the problem yet? Cheese? But, cheese tastes good and it’s just small portions afterall. But, the cheese could prove counterproductive to what we want to accomplish. I don’t think I’ll reveal that possibility to him just yet.  We are having chicken later, without cheese! He’s increasing his water for multiple reasons but cheese is definitely one of the reasons. Have I had a bowel movement? Have I peed? Have I had too much cheese too? Sorry, too much information isn’t it? I haven’t had much time to think about my needs. This is only temporary I keep telling myself. 

  Walking is a must.  He’s supposed to walk 1 mile per day throughout the day.  Don’t panic when you see that the blood in the urine increases after your loved one takes a walk.  It’s normal. But, get your man up and make him walk. It helps move gas. Yes, this is one time, men, it’s okay to fart and belch like a sailor.  We will actually celebrate those moments as progress! Farting? I do not like that word. I used to tell my daughters to quit making music. Their grandmother said I had to stop that or they’ll be on a date and their date will ask them if they want to listen to music and they’ll start passing gas.  Um…maybe they will or maybe by then they’ll know the difference. Meanwhile making music just sounds better to me! He has pain in his shoulder. He needs to just get over it. I have had worse cramps than that when I was on my period! You’ll be fine. Just walk it off. Don’t judge me. I’m tired remember? And, I still haven’t shaved my legs!

Pain management hasn’t been too bad. The doctor really wants him to take only Tylenol. We have a heavier hitter for night if we need it, but hopefully he won’t.  He was in a lot of pain at first at the hospital. I told him that I’d love to see him have a baby vaginally and via c-section (of which I had both). I recounted those instances vividly for him to let him know that he could do this! Man up, dude! Since we’ve come home the pain hasn’t been that bad. For him it is mostly that his body is sore and he has some discomfort at the incisions.  While it hasn’t happened to him, it is possible your man’s scrotum may swell. Get a bag of frozen peas if that happens. Mine used them when he had his vasectomy years ago and they worked perfectly!

We have two more days like this..well actually more like three. Then we will return to the hospital have a cystogram which will take pictures of his bladder and urethra. In his case and I’m guessing in most, the urethra tube is detached from the bladder during the surgery. They need to determine if there is an adequate amount of healing so the in-dwelling catheter may be removed.  We pray that will be the case and the catheter will be removed. He’s nervous about that, but has been assured over and over it will be okay. I am planning on buying balloons and cake so we can have a party to bid a fond farewell to the old bag! 🙂  

Meanwhile…I am shaving these legs! 🙂 

It’s early as I write this.  I’m pretty sure if there was a rooster nearby he’d be snuggled up in his nest dreaming of beautiful hens! The alarm awakened us at 3:30 a.m. so we could make it to the hospital on time.  Despite the fact that he doesn’t wear a watch and hasn’t for years my husband is rarely late for anything, so this morning was going to be no different. In fact, we arrived before the first patient was scheduled to arrive…to sit…in the silence of our thoughts. 

So late-lee, we’ve been on a journey that began in June 2019. We were on vacation with some dear friends when he got the call from his doctor. It wasn’t one he was expecting since he went to his yearly check up like he has dutifully (and thankfully) done for years.  But, at this one, he learned his PSA levels were elevated. We had no idea of the roller coaster ride he would be getting on during this journey. In the beginning the cart shot out like a flash with a whirlwind of appointments, follow ups, etc taking place. Then, it was as if the roller coaster stalled for a bit leaving him (and his family) suspended in time waiting for physicians to make the all important decisions regarding his surgery.  Surgery. That was always the path! He is too young to have radiation according to his physicians who felt the risks for using that method of treatment would outweigh any of the benefits especially down the road. 

So, today I sit. Alone. My husband didn’t want anyone else here. I’m really okay with that. Sometimes you just need to be still. My thoughts battling one another as I struggle to keep my focus on God’s plan. God’s will. The control person in me, is wanting to shout and scream that this all must cease at this moment. Don’t get me wrong. Unless something drastic occurs with him during the surgery, I am confident the cancer will be eradicated. I believe in the doctor’s tremendous capabilities to preserve all that is necessary for an absolute full recovery, but it’s hard to truly reconcile all of what I believe into one truth.  So, I sit watching the families come in and go out of the waiting room. Do they believe things will turn out okay for them also? Do they believe in God? Will they need someone to join hands with them and pray? If you don’t believe in God, how do you get through things like this? I ask that in all honesty as a means to understand rather than place some assumed judgment upon you. As we entered the hospital this morning and the concierge proceeded to take us along with another couple to the surgery area, I learned the wife of the other couple had a special name. Her name was Doris. That was my late Mom’s name. What are the odds that on January 16th, 2020, I would be in a hospital (not in my hometown) only to meet a lady and her husband who was also having a prostatectomy, who just happens to have the same name as my mom?  I don’t believe this was a serendipitous event. I believe my Mama sent her as a sign to let me know that even though she’s in heaven now, she’s still watching over me. Angels walk among us everyday. Two hours later as I sit here, I haven’t seen her again. She was a lovely lady with a sweet accent from another country. I pray for them to have good outcomes. 

I am writing this through the eyes of a family member of the patient. I am the wife of a man who has prostate cancer. No big deal, right? Ask the man who has it and see what he has to say about it.  The research says most men will have it at some point. But, did you know that it is the 2nd leading cause of death in men. The reason for this rests in the fact that most men don’t get checked. The good news is it is highly treatable.  And, the ages of men having it are getting younger and younger. Just today our surgeon told us that he had 8 cases. The majority of them were ages 47 – 52. He feels environment and genetics are impacting these numbers. There are several paths you and your physician could take, but we chose full eradication through a prostatectomy.  There is a trifecta effect good surgeons will seek: 1) eradication of all cancer 2) return of urinary continence and 3) erectile function. So, again…no big deal? I say again, ask a man! All men should start the process of getting checked. It’s easy. A blood test to determine PSA. The earlier it’s detected, the better the outcomes. Mine is in surgery right now. We face uncertainties. I would be lying if I didn’t truly acknowledge that those uncertainties are a tad bit unsettling to both of us. We do, however, believe in us! Our story of US isn’t quite as dramatic as the one on tv, but we wrote this story and with God’s will and pen we will continue writing it for a very long time. Just shy of 30 years ago, we signed on for the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We’ve had numerous (too many to count) good times and blessings from God. We’ve had some really rough times that I’ll post in another story one day. We’ve had the ugly as we sit and watch our BMI change over the years and recognize the need to take that bike ride a bit more or walk instead of riding in the golf cart. But, at this moment in our life, we are really content. We are pretty much empty nesters so there are those spontaneous trips that we will occasionally take…when we plan for them…LOL! One daughter is in her career and married to a wonderful man. They gave us a beautiful rainbow baby after our daughter had two miscarriages. Our other daughter is in her last semester of nursing school and has met a wonderful young man who also has a heart for Jesus! Things are good! No complaints. I feel like an old beagle lying in the sun on a breezy day! Just chill! It could be the medication I took to get me through this surgery…just kidding…or maybe I’m not…LOL!

So late-lee, I’ve really enjoyed coming home to all of the Christmas lights. I love walking in to a home that is lit up and warm with life! I think back to the day I put all of the trees up and began decorating my home for the holiday season.  I was thinking I was being a bit overzealous and rushing time away, but what I didn’t realize at the time, was that I was actually bringing light in at the same moment time was changing bringing with it more darkness. I’m not a huge fan of the time change. When it starts getting dark at 5:30 in the evening, it makes me feel like I should be in bed.  On the flip side, you can’t beat the morning drive into work. My new route takes me over a rather large bridge. The sun is rearing its beautiful glow of pink and orange. It’s such a beautiful reminder that God has given me another day or at the very least another moment to try and make a difference. That is how I choose to start each day. I want to truly BELIEVE in some small way I can make a difference in this big ole world. I’ve tried to teach my children that it’s not what we get out of it, it’s about what we give to it! If we run around chasing things to bring fulfillment to our lives we will miss the opportunity to “fill” someone else’s.

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” –John 8:12 

In the same way Christmas lights can bring warmth and peace into our homes, we can do the same for others.  We can be a constant light that warms someone when they are feeling alone and cold. We can be a blinking light to bring them laughter and joy.  I don’t for one minute believe that our walk with Jesus will always be easy. It doesn’t mean we won’t lose loved ones or be immune to a cancer diagnosis, but what it does mean is we won’t be alone.  

Rather than looking forward to receiving the perfect gift this Christmas, rest in knowing you were perfectly made by God yes flaws and all. Be a gift for someone else. Be a light in a world that is so full of darkness right now. Spread some kindness this season. Pay for the person in line behind you in a drive through. Pre-pay for a cup of coffee for someone at Starbucks or somewhere. Or simply share a smile with someone as you pass by them in the hall.  It lets the person know they really do exist and we really do see them! Drop an anonymous note on the floor in hopes someone will pick it up and see the positive words you have written. Have date night in with your spouse! Do some arts and crafts with your children. Wear the Santa hat and give someone a chuckle. Give the gift of time! Time is wrapped by a perfectly colored sunrise bow! You never know when the sun may set on this thing called life, so as cliche’ as it sounds…make the moments count rather than count the moments. Keep your inner light glowing, but make sure you share it with others and make the world a brighter place! 

So late-lee, I have been reading a few posts directing blame to this group or that because of recent events in our local school system. I realize that when we are hurting, grieving from the depths of our core, anger often bubbles up. “Someone needs to take ownership of this and fix it now” may be what some are thinking.  Others may be responding in fear having thoughts such as  “What if it happens to my child?” “Teachers never do anything!” “The school doesn’t listen to my concerns.” I know people are hurting and maybe even angry. There may be negative and scary things running through minds right now, but to draw a line in the sand and then sit on one side or the other is extremely destructive.  

Let me be clear that my first job is a mom after that it is an educator. I walked in both shoes so know that what I share is coming from a place of love.  Our children need us (families and schools) to unite. Children, no matter how young or old they are, need us to help them develop coping skills for dealing with issues they may encounter.   Life will not always be easy. In fact it can be downright hard! 

When a storm is approaching, preparations are made, but that doesn’t mean there will not be a levy of devastation in the wake of it.  Like emergency officials preparing ahead of the storm, schools do take proactive measures and having been an educator for 31 years, I assure you the staff is grieving as well.  Rather than blaming educators, perhaps try a different approach. Just like parents (which like me, many of our educators are), the schools can’t stop every tragedy from happening. I wish that was one guarantee schools could make, but it would not be the truth.  As a former principal, I would often break down in tears under the pressure I put on myself to ensure the safest environment I could for the children and staff. It was a physical strain that I wore daily. For those of you who are unsure as to how to proceed, I urge you to make time to connect with the educators in your children’s lives.  Be open when they share information with you regarding their observations of your child(ren) at school. Share with them what you have learned about this or that and let’s become partners.

My heart, among many others, goes out to the families directly affected by the recent events, and while there are no words that can console or help them find peace, the one thing I know that we can do is come together and pray for them.  We also need to pray for the school staff members and students who must also reconcile in their minds the events that have taken place. I assure you that no one (including school staff) wants things like this to happen. Educators (and I use that term to define anyone working in a school), grieve like others. They arm themselves with an armor of compassion and empathy during times like this.  The hugs and words of encouragement they share with other students are acts that leave them emotionally drained with little left to support themselves. They not only think about those directly involved, but they also think about their own children. They, too, want to know why and how something could happen. To blame anyone for events such as this, doesn’t accomplish anything. I don’t mean that harshly. I assure you the enormous amount of compassion fatigue educators suffer in times like these is enough to break the strongest of spirits. I believe we should begin taking more constructive approaches during times like these.  As parents, we are our children’s first teachers. We can’t forget that we have resources our children’s teachers can’t access. We can pick up our children’s phones and review their messages. It is not a violation of their rights. Or, let me just say, I made it very clear to my children that I owned the phone they were using since I paid the bill…end of discussion. So, in my house, it was not a violation of their rights. I realize many may disagree with my parenting style in that regard, but I chose to make what my children were doing inside and outside of school my business and I also made it clear to them that they could talk to me about anything. I may not always agree with them, but I would hear them out and then we would discuss pros and cons as well as strategies for dealing with it.  I could have those tough conversations with them in our home. It would be unfair of me to expect the teachers in their lives to do that for me.   

The reality is this is not a problem that only one group can take on and cure. This is not just a concern in our small community and our local schools, this is a nationwide concern.  Suicide rates in 2017 alone were at an all time high. According to an article in the LA times in June 2019, an alarming statistic was shared, in that year alone, suicide claimed the lives of 5,016 males and 1,225 females between 15 and 24 in the United States, according to researchers who reported  in the Journal of the American Medical Assn. In that same article the following information was shared, “Miron and his colleagues suggest a litany of factors that have contributed to the increase in reported youth suicides, including high rates of depression and anxiety, unprecedented levels of social media use, and a greater willingness of families and officials to acknowledge suicide as a cause of death.” Another interesting note is that while there has been no definite root cause unearthed there’s evidence to suggest that this generation’s unique relationship to digital technology is a key factor.” Twenge was quoted as saying.  The article went on to share that our children no longer spend time doing activities such as getting adequate sleep, engage in face-to-face interaction with family and friends, because their world is now submerged in a digitally driven culture. 

Do you know that the age limit for most social media apps is 13? But, do you realize that many children are on these apps as young as age 7.  As soon as our children gain access to the global world through digital means, it becomes very hard to protect them. Have you heard of KIK or TIK TOK? In the Snapchat world, the illusion that nothing lasts forever can be misleading to young users.  I found a resource that provides support for parents to help their children interact more safely within their apps at https://www.saferinternet.org.uk/advice-centre/social-media-guides. Keep in mind, however, that what I’m referring to here is social media. The technological supports children receive at school serve a different purpose.  We need to arm ourselves with knowledge because our children are way ahead of us digitally. I am not an expert on this subject and will not claim to be, but if access to a digital world is being considered a contributing factor, then we, parents, can take control of that world. We need to help our children unplug.  That may end up being one of the best gifts we could ever give them! 

Before leaving, I  think it’s a good time to also share this bit of information from the article: “Asking kids if they feel down or suicidal will not cause them to be down or suicidal,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to ask.” Health officials urge people with suicidal thoughts to seek help by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255, or to use the Crisis Text Line by texting “Home” to 741741 for immediate assistance. 

Our children and adults need much support in the aftermath of events such as these, the following link contains some strategies that may be helpful.  https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/coping-after-suicide 

Note: Much of the statistical information for this post came from https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-suicide-rates-rising-teens-young-adults-20190618-story.html