Support Doesn’t Always Wear the Same Boots

Late-Lee, I’ve been thinking…Support is one of those things folks love to talk about, but rarely slow down enough to figure out what it actually looks like or better yet, feels like. And let me tell you—what feels like help to one person can feel like smothering to another.

One teacher or employee might want step-by-step directions, laminated and color-coded. Another just wants you to say, “You’ve got this,” and get out of their way. That’s the puzzle of leadership—you’re leading a team, but every single person on that team is wired differently and has their own ideas of what support is. 

Over the years, I’ve learned to coach from all kinds of angles: from the front, beside, and behind. 

• From the front when they need a path to follow.

• From beside when the work is heavy and they need a steady hand.

• And from behind when it’s their turn to lead and your job is to cheer, not steer.

But here’s the kicker, you can’t lead people well if you haven’t taken the time to get to know them.

You’ve got to figure out:

• What gets them fired up?

• What drains them dry?

• How do they take feedback?

• What kind of support do they think they need—and what kind do they actually need?

You can’t just apply a blanket solution on everyone and call it leadership. Let’s face it…support doesn’t always wear the same boots. 

Brené Brown tells this story (pretty sure it was her) about how she and her husband will look at each other and say, “I’ve only got 10% (20%, 30%, etc) to give today.” When one of them is running on fumes, the other steps in and carries a little more. When they’re both worn slap out, they get honest and adjust the plan.

Imagine if our teams worked like that. Think about the trust it takes to say, “I’m running low,” and know someone will pick up the slack without judgment. That kind of support doesn’t come from a job description. It comes from relationships.

So if you’re leading a team, whether it’s teachers, coaches, staff, students —here’s what I’d challenge you to do:

• Get to know your people. Not just their titles, but also know their rhythms and their stories too. 

• Don’t assume what helped one will help the next person. 

• Be willing to adjust your plan. Ask questions and pay attention to what is said (not said).

• When you get it wrong (because bless it, we all do), own it and try again.

Support isn’t about doing everything. It’s about doing the right thing—for the person in front of you, at that moment, in that season.

Leadership isn’t loud. Sometimes it’s just noticing. And sometimes it’s saying, “I’ve got 90 today—lean on me.”