Fixer or Sinner?

One of my sisters and I are walking/running through 100 miles in May.  In order for us to meet that challenge we are having to get out of the house and moving every day.  Now, you can imagine (if you’ve read any of my posts)  how my mind saw it when I first agreed to this challenge. The story played out like this:  It’s early in the morning as I awaken.  The birds are chirping and calling out to me to come join them.  I throw on my running shorts and lace up my shoes. I pull my hair into a ponytail and step out…no race out the door.  I create a cool breeze because of the speed I’m running. I can hear the music from Rocky as I’m racing through the month meeting my 100 mile goal by the middle of May so I increase my goal to 200.  At the end of the month, I celebrate by buying myself a new outfit and of course, a new shade of red lipstick! Nice story, huh? The reality of it all is there are days I’m struggling to make it out the door. When I’m out there I may feel fast, but I know I’m moving like the tortoise in the Tortoise and the Hare story. But, hey, I’m out there! 

Late-lee, there has been some ongoing battles between me and some pebbles that find their way into my shoes. I’m not sure how they get there, but while I’m moving, the pebble feels like a boulder as it rolls around in the bottom of my shoe reminding my foot, it’s in charge of the situation. When I stop to remove it, I look at the small size of the pebble and think to myself, “How did you seem so big?” Of course, those pebbles made me think about problems in life. I don’t know about you, but I have problems from time to time. Sometimes they feel so big. They consume my mind with worry. I may lose my appetite, sleep, or get ornery as I grapple with the enormity I feel like I’m facing. I realize that in Matthew 6:25, we are commanded by Jesus not to worry about the needs of this life. Isn’t that verse about not worrying about what we’ll eat or drink? I certainly eat enough food. I’m worried about much bigger things. Things the size of a boulder. I chew on the worry. I analyze it to death. I run all of the scenarios through my mind so I’m prepared for any outcome. I’m a fixer and proud of it!

Fixer or sinner? Gulp, I’m a sinner.  I’ve read somewhere that you will find worry or fear (seen as the same) mentioned in the bible over 365 times.  And nowhere does it say it’s okay. In fact, it’s defined clearly as sin. And, in almost every verse you read, you will be told not to worry or fear and we should lean on the Lord for strength and an inner piece that only He can give you.  So, why do we continue to worry? It’s because if you are like me, we aren’t letting go and letting God.  In Philippians 4:6 we are reminded “ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Every time we feel that jab of worry, we need to go to God in prayer and thanksgiving. I can continue to try and fix things on my own, but in my own flesh I’m simply weak. In God’s hands, I’m strong and so are you.  

So, as I continue my journey to 100 miles this month, I’ll stick to handling the boulders in my shoes and I’ll try my hardest to let God handle the boulders in my life!  There’s no doubt I will relapse in my efforts.  I’m certain I’ll continue to work my problems out in my mind and then will God to fix them my way. I’m sure He will continue to shake his head and get a good laugh watching me trying to control things again. He’ll probably allow another pebble to get in my shoe just to entertain him. 🙂