So late-lee, I have been reading a few posts directing blame to this group or that because of recent events in our local school system. I realize that when we are hurting, grieving from the depths of our core, anger often bubbles up. “Someone needs to take ownership of this and fix it now” may be what some are thinking.  Others may be responding in fear having thoughts such as  “What if it happens to my child?” “Teachers never do anything!” “The school doesn’t listen to my concerns.” I know people are hurting and maybe even angry. There may be negative and scary things running through minds right now, but to draw a line in the sand and then sit on one side or the other is extremely destructive.  

Let me be clear that my first job is a mom after that it is an educator. I walked in both shoes so know that what I share is coming from a place of love.  Our children need us (families and schools) to unite. Children, no matter how young or old they are, need us to help them develop coping skills for dealing with issues they may encounter.   Life will not always be easy. In fact it can be downright hard! 

When a storm is approaching, preparations are made, but that doesn’t mean there will not be a levy of devastation in the wake of it.  Like emergency officials preparing ahead of the storm, schools do take proactive measures and having been an educator for 31 years, I assure you the staff is grieving as well.  Rather than blaming educators, perhaps try a different approach. Just like parents (which like me, many of our educators are), the schools can’t stop every tragedy from happening. I wish that was one guarantee schools could make, but it would not be the truth.  As a former principal, I would often break down in tears under the pressure I put on myself to ensure the safest environment I could for the children and staff. It was a physical strain that I wore daily. For those of you who are unsure as to how to proceed, I urge you to make time to connect with the educators in your children’s lives.  Be open when they share information with you regarding their observations of your child(ren) at school. Share with them what you have learned about this or that and let’s become partners.

My heart, among many others, goes out to the families directly affected by the recent events, and while there are no words that can console or help them find peace, the one thing I know that we can do is come together and pray for them.  We also need to pray for the school staff members and students who must also reconcile in their minds the events that have taken place. I assure you that no one (including school staff) wants things like this to happen. Educators (and I use that term to define anyone working in a school), grieve like others. They arm themselves with an armor of compassion and empathy during times like this.  The hugs and words of encouragement they share with other students are acts that leave them emotionally drained with little left to support themselves. They not only think about those directly involved, but they also think about their own children. They, too, want to know why and how something could happen. To blame anyone for events such as this, doesn’t accomplish anything. I don’t mean that harshly. I assure you the enormous amount of compassion fatigue educators suffer in times like these is enough to break the strongest of spirits. I believe we should begin taking more constructive approaches during times like these.  As parents, we are our children’s first teachers. We can’t forget that we have resources our children’s teachers can’t access. We can pick up our children’s phones and review their messages. It is not a violation of their rights. Or, let me just say, I made it very clear to my children that I owned the phone they were using since I paid the bill…end of discussion. So, in my house, it was not a violation of their rights. I realize many may disagree with my parenting style in that regard, but I chose to make what my children were doing inside and outside of school my business and I also made it clear to them that they could talk to me about anything. I may not always agree with them, but I would hear them out and then we would discuss pros and cons as well as strategies for dealing with it.  I could have those tough conversations with them in our home. It would be unfair of me to expect the teachers in their lives to do that for me.   

The reality is this is not a problem that only one group can take on and cure. This is not just a concern in our small community and our local schools, this is a nationwide concern.  Suicide rates in 2017 alone were at an all time high. According to an article in the LA times in June 2019, an alarming statistic was shared, in that year alone, suicide claimed the lives of 5,016 males and 1,225 females between 15 and 24 in the United States, according to researchers who reported  in the Journal of the American Medical Assn. In that same article the following information was shared, “Miron and his colleagues suggest a litany of factors that have contributed to the increase in reported youth suicides, including high rates of depression and anxiety, unprecedented levels of social media use, and a greater willingness of families and officials to acknowledge suicide as a cause of death.” Another interesting note is that while there has been no definite root cause unearthed there’s evidence to suggest that this generation’s unique relationship to digital technology is a key factor.” Twenge was quoted as saying.  The article went on to share that our children no longer spend time doing activities such as getting adequate sleep, engage in face-to-face interaction with family and friends, because their world is now submerged in a digitally driven culture. 

Do you know that the age limit for most social media apps is 13? But, do you realize that many children are on these apps as young as age 7.  As soon as our children gain access to the global world through digital means, it becomes very hard to protect them. Have you heard of KIK or TIK TOK? In the Snapchat world, the illusion that nothing lasts forever can be misleading to young users.  I found a resource that provides support for parents to help their children interact more safely within their apps at https://www.saferinternet.org.uk/advice-centre/social-media-guides. Keep in mind, however, that what I’m referring to here is social media. The technological supports children receive at school serve a different purpose.  We need to arm ourselves with knowledge because our children are way ahead of us digitally. I am not an expert on this subject and will not claim to be, but if access to a digital world is being considered a contributing factor, then we, parents, can take control of that world. We need to help our children unplug.  That may end up being one of the best gifts we could ever give them! 

Before leaving, I  think it’s a good time to also share this bit of information from the article: “Asking kids if they feel down or suicidal will not cause them to be down or suicidal,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to ask.” Health officials urge people with suicidal thoughts to seek help by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255, or to use the Crisis Text Line by texting “Home” to 741741 for immediate assistance. 

Our children and adults need much support in the aftermath of events such as these, the following link contains some strategies that may be helpful.  https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/coping-after-suicide 

Note: Much of the statistical information for this post came from https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-suicide-rates-rising-teens-young-adults-20190618-story.html 

 

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